In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
