Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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