My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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