Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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