I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
