Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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