Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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