i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
