the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
