Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
