Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
