True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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