I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
