then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we should paint friendship bongs
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