White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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