someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
