two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
