I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
