whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
