my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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