now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
