How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
