Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
