remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
