I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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