Tell her she can't have a vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
