come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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