i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize