Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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