he shaved USA in his pubs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
