I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
