Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
