I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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