one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
