i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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