Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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