remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
its liver damage thursday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
