hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
