What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
