I cannot find my penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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