He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
