but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
