i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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