you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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