So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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