Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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