I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
