Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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