I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize