I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
