so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Even my vagina gasped.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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