Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
