even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so let's talk penis.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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