Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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