dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
