His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
