i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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