I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
