I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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