After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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