If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
