arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
