a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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