Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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