Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
