you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
