it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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